well now, i finished the chapter about neocron today. again. this time i hope that my prof is going to be content with it because i am not going to revise it yet another time. i am drawing the line here. yesterday i made another decision: once this whole PhD stuff is over, i am going to take a sabbatical. no kidding. i am so drained and tired now. i can’t go on working like that.
now this plainly sucks. the revising of the neocron chapter turned into a complete “deleting and rewriting” task. somehow my dear prof is not convinced that the mirror stage is the key concept to gain a better understanding why people play certain characters in an online rpg. sure, fine, whatever. i don’t want to argue with her about that because it’s sort of pointless so i bend to her will and try to fit in the “interpassivity” somehow. “interpassivity” is basically the assumption that by being active in a game (taking on missions, fighting foes, etc.) you delegate the “passive” aspects like enjoyment to the big Other, i.e. the game itself.
i use the last days of 2004 to revise as much as i can of the third and last chapter of my thesis. well, i can easily think of better ways to spend my time but unfortunately this job simply has to be done. as a result i haven’t been able to come up with some new year’s resolutions yet. and a review of 2004 is still pending as well.
one thing i can already say for sure: c’était l’année de la souffrance. pourquoi? this is fairly easily explained. a friend of mine once said to me: writing a PhD thesis is like a marriage from hell. effectivement, il a tout à fait raison.
i am just rewriting the analysis of one of the last scenes of Minority Report where Lamar kills himself. here’s what i just wrote:
Anderton gegenüber wirkt er wie eine fürsorgliche Vaterfigur und man könnte sagen, dass Lamar für ihn die Funktion eines Ich-Ideals hat. Doch der Schein trügt: Lacan ist der üble Drahtzieher…
a short summary for my non-german speaking readers: i am talking about how Lamar is like a father-figure – or in psychoanalytical terms an Ego-Ideal – for Anderton, the protagonist of Minority Report played by Tom Cruise. this is a deception because in reality Lamar is a bad guy… and well, apparently not Lamar but Lacan has become a bad guy for me… lol
“i am a media scientist, not a shrink!”
i am just revising a scene of Solaris where i talk about “Verwerfung” (foreclosure) and well, i should make my point clearer. however, the question per se (”what do you mean by saying that?”) can be interpreted in a psychoanalytical way.
after i woke up today i didn’t know what day it is. at first i thought that it is monday but then i realized that it is sunday. this is due to the fact that it does not really make a difference to me — i (have to) work anyway. i really do not want to write another rant about why i hate my thesis now. i figure it is sort of a “natural” process after having worked on one single project for more than two years that you reach a point where you can’t stand it anymore. the only thing i can do now is dig deep and finish it asap. and this is exactly what i am going to do. well, i don’t like the whole xmas stuff anyway, so i rather spend my time revising and finishing my PhD thesis instead of spending loads of money on xmas presents. you guys are absolutely right, it would be an awful waste of work, time and energy if i quit now.
i know that i am treading a thin line here, but i simply have to get this off my chest: i hate this whole PhD thesis stuff! it was an insane idea to start a project like this. i just want it to be over. but the hits keep coming: change this, elaborate that. and today is december 3rd, the day i indended to hand that darn thing in! well, this is not going to happen and i hope, no, i almost pray that i can meet the deadline at the end of january 2005. ça m’énerve terriblement!
i have been feeling kind of emtpy the past few days. there is no easy way to put it: i have to postpone the final exam. i am going to take it in March instead of January. it is not my fault though; my supervisor and her busy schedule somehow interferred with my plans. well, i have been waiting for that moment so long i guess two more months are not a big deal.
np: Train - Drops of Jupiter
well, it is done. i managed to write the conclusion of my thesis today. this is generally the very last part of any paper i write and where i summarize the main points and stuff. thus i want to share with you what i concluded, well, at least a part of it. (sorry, german only!)
Die Lacansche Psychoanalyse ist mehr als nur eine therapeutische Praxis und stellt eine wichtige Methode zur Analyse von aktuellen Phänomenen der Populärkultur und Gesellschaft zu Beginn des 21. Jahrhunderts dar, die leider im deutschsprachigen Raum noch nicht die Akzeptanz und Verbreitung gefunden hat, wie es im anglo-amerikanischen Bereich der Fall ist. Die Konzepte und Theorien von Lacan und ihre Weiterentwickung durch Žižek stellen eine Möglichkeit dar, um zu verstehen, welche Phantasien dystopische Science Fiction Filme oder ein apokalyptisches Cyberpunk Online-Rollenspiel bieten und welche jouissance RezipientInnen dadurch erfahren.
done! my presentation went well and i guess it was well received too. i am definitely not used to giving presentations anymore… it was weird, i was nervous, but i think it was ok. this was basically a full dress rehearsal for the final exam in january. i am more confident now that i will argue and “defend” my thesis well…