Take away the sensation inside
Bittersweet migraine in my head
It’s like a throbbing toothache of the mind
I can’t take this feeling anymore
(Green Day - Give Me Novocaine)
yet another day where i woke up with a splitting headache. what makes matters worse is that i am still waiting for feedback. i am so sick and tired of waiting! no wait, i am really pissed off. i feel like wasting my time with this darn wait… i should have been done with long time ago…
wondering what i have been doing today? to be honest, not much… i am in the middle of “proof-reading” my thesis. i expect to get some feedback of my supervisor tomorrow or on monday. i have my doubts about whether i will be able to have it printed soon but still… there’s always hope. i already picture myself struggling through the pitfalls of austrian bureaucrazy (excuse the pun!) in order to get a “custom” date for the final exam in march. it has to be in march otherwise i will have to pay the tuition fee for the upcoming summer semester, which is in fact the last thing i want to do!
np: Five For Fighting - Something About You
Puisque l’on est seul dans le noir
Que notre avenir est sans espoir
Comme un poing dressé vers le ciel
Comme la dernière des rebelles
Je ne veux plus te pardonnerL’imagination crée le monde
Et la raison est sa prison
Je veux saisir les secondes
Comme si elles valaient des millions
(Patricia Kaas - Je ne veux plus te pardonner)
for some strange reason these paroles describe pretty well how i am feeling today. i don’t know why, i should be happy that i am alive, healthy, done with thesis writing for now… there is still too much pain, regret and even hate deep inside me… i want to get away from here, leave this all behind, start a new life at a new place. do things all over again, but do them right from the beginning…
* finish my PhD
* find a decent job
* improve my french
* upgrade my computer
* buy a road bike and compete in a race
* visit Paris
2004 was not really what i would call a good year both on a personal and professional level. i lost friends, a person very close to me died and i spend most of the year working on my thesis which should have been finished some time ago. so i wish and hope that 2005 is going to be better.
here is the best and worst of 2004 from my point of view.
i wish you all a merry christmas and a happy new year!
Je vous souhaite un joyeux Noël et une très bonne année 2005 !
this is meryl, my cat. she keeps me great company when i am writing/revising my thesis. she is a princess and she knows it.
yeah i know, it’s already tuesday and now i come along with a weekend recap. excuse-moi for being rather busy. first off, there’s still the thesis revising which is not really joyful but needs to be done. second, believe it or not, vh-1 decided to air a “VH-1 rocks Black Sunday” special where they played all those great rock’n'roll videos from the 80s and 90s! and last but not least i dug into the huge pile of unanswered e-mail this weekend, some of them required me to answer in french and this is still quite a chore for me. i feel incredibly clumsy when writing in french.
and by the way: check out “brainiac” if you have the chance! the second season is hilarious! with features like “tina turner and her bunsen burner” and “you can’t stop rock’n'roll but we beg to differ”!
i decided to get myself a digital camera as xmas present. amazon.de had some pretty tempting offers and in the end i chose a canon digital ixus 500 (in north america known as PowerShot S500). i am quite happy about my choice. i wanted a small camera that fits easily in the back pocket of a cycling jersey so that i can take it with me on bike rides. today was the first sunny day in weeks and i took a picture of the winter sun setting.
i had a hard time falling asleep this previous night because i had a splitting headache. really one of the bad kinds, when you think someone is drilling a hole in to the back of your skull and your head is about to burst into pieces. i finally decided to swallow a painkiller at 1:30am and one hour later the pain was gone and i fell asleep…