musings of a neurotic mind

MMORPGs (massively multiplayer online role playing games) have been around for some years now, so you can hardly talk about a new “phenomenon”. still, it continues to amaze me how players are fascinated by such games and virtually (pun intended) drawn into the fictional worlds. due to my case study of Neocron i arrived at a plausible, psychoanalytical explanation and i really want to share this “revelation” with you. the game is not interactive but what Zizek would call “interpassive”: you as the player have to be active (doing quests, slaying creeps and so on) so that the game can be “passive”. that means that although you think you are “enjoying” the game you are actually not enjoying it: the game does that for you. Zizek often quotes the example with the “canned laughter” in sitcoms: it’s the television set that is “laughing” for you so that you don’t have to. however, you still feel sort of “relieved” afterwards because someone else (the television set, the game) is doing something (laughing, enjoying) for you. i guess here lies the “lure” of MMORPGs: just by playing the game you don’t have to enjoy it but still feel some kind of gratification…

well, here’s a picture of the “Koralpe” (altitude 2140 m) taken from outside of my house. as you can tell, most of the snow here in the valley has already melted away. dommage!
now i am off to the bank and after that to the vets’ because meryl is getting her annual leukemia shot today. this is always great fun (i’m kidding of course) due to meryl’s uncooperative behaviour when it comes to vets and shots…

finally the snow storms that have been raging all over europe reached the south of Austria. it’s been snowing on and off today with an ice-cold stormy wind blowing constantly. i am glad that i don’t have to leave the house or even drive to Klagenfurt because the conditions on the road are no fun right now. (i do of course have winter tires and all but from my past experience i can tell that it usually takes ages for the road to be cleared when winter suddenly arrives…) i wanted to take some pictures but the battery of the cam was low and when it was recharged it was already dark. should there be still some snow around tomorrow, i’ll post a picture of a “typical” austrian winter landscape…

Take away the sensation inside
Bittersweet migraine in my head
It’s like a throbbing toothache of the mind
I can’t take this feeling anymore
(Green Day - Give Me Novocaine)

yet another day where i woke up with a splitting headache. what makes matters worse is that i am still waiting for feedback. i am so sick and tired of waiting! no wait, i am really pissed off. i feel like wasting my time with this darn wait… i should have been done with long time ago…

wondering what i have been doing today? to be honest, not much… i am in the middle of “proof-reading” my thesis. i expect to get some feedback of my supervisor tomorrow or on monday. i have my doubts about whether i will be able to have it printed soon but still… there’s always hope. i already picture myself struggling through the pitfalls of austrian bureaucrazy (excuse the pun!) in order to get a “custom” date for the final exam in march. it has to be in march otherwise i will have to pay the tuition fee for the upcoming summer semester, which is in fact the last thing i want to do!
np: Five For Fighting - Something About You

yesterday was a kind of busy day because i had to run some errands in town. so i really meant to blog about this newsitem that caught my attention yesterday but i did not get around doing so for various reasons…

it’s about the upcoming Tour de France (TdF), the one and only sports event pursue fanatically each year. well, tv5 had this newsitem yesterday titled “Cyclisme : l´enquête est ouverte concernant Lance Armstrong”. the french media seems to be sort of preoccupied with investigations about alleged doping accussations of Lance. it is - after all - “their” TdF and along comes an american who wins the competition six times in a row and sets a new record. what i want to say is that they have every right to be suspicious of him. what bothers me however is the way it is done. i feel it is almost a witchhunt; they are so sure that he has to be using some banned substances and as a result they are looking for some kind of proof. i am not qualified to make any statements about that assumption but i think the anti-doping controlls are pretty thourough in cycling and especially at the TdF. if he were using something illegal to enhance his performance they should have discovered it by now. instead they are basing their investigations on statements published in a book called “L.A. Confidentiel : Les secrets de Lance Armstrong” and on some remarks of a former masseur of him. after all i guess it’s just perfect timing since Lance has announced that he will compete in the TdF 2005 a week ago…

so i finally gave world of warcraft (WoW) a try… i was rather reluctant to do so for several reasons. first off, mmorpgs take time, a lot of time… you usually end up spending your entire spare time in the game. happened to me three years ago with Neocron and i doubt it would be different with WoW. secondly, after all the accolades the game received i remain sceptical… and last but not least the download and stuff (hey, it’s 2.5 gb!) took a little longer than expected.
well, what are my first impressions of WoW? it’s nice, the gameplay is smooth (no annoying zoning! yeah!), the quests are awesome (you get useful rewards) and time flies by when you’re playing it. what’s rather bothering me is that the graphics are not state-of-the-art (like the textures and shaders) and i do not like the “comic” style, i.e. everything is a little too colorful for my taste. however, it is very stable and well developed and has certainly some potential. well, the final beta is going to last for a few more weeks i guess and so there’s plenty of time for me to decide whether i am going to play it on a regular basis or not…

blogging is out, podcasting is in. or so it seems. well, i listened to a few podcasts this past weekend and i really enjoyed them. the combination of personal commentary and selected music tracks is quite unique. it’s like you are putting your own radio show on the net. the idea to podcast myself is tempting… but i don’t have an ipod nor any other mp3 recording device and i am far to shy to speak in “public”… sort of. you know how nervous i am when i have to do a presentation or give a speech about my thesis. so i guess i’ll stick to blogging… for a while at least.

Puisque l’on est seul dans le noir
Que notre avenir est sans espoir
Comme un poing dressé vers le ciel
Comme la dernière des rebelles
Je ne veux plus te pardonner

L’imagination crée le monde
Et la raison est sa prison
Je veux saisir les secondes
Comme si elles valaient des millions
(Patricia Kaas - Je ne veux plus te pardonner)

for some strange reason these paroles describe pretty well how i am feeling today. i don’t know why, i should be happy that i am alive, healthy, done with thesis writing for now… there is still too much pain, regret and even hate deep inside me… i want to get away from here, leave this all behind, start a new life at a new place. do things all over again, but do them right from the beginning…

something really caught my attention lately. tv5 usually airs what i would call “sounds and sights” of various countries all over the world where you can watch it. it’s called “tv5 en/au/aux/à … et partout dans le monde” and it usually serves as kind of a “filler” between the commercial break and the upcoming program. recently, they included Austria in the list of the countries featured. well, here’s a short description “tv5 en Autriche”:

it starts quite innocently with some snow-covered austrian mountains and then switches to people skiing. up next are again some mountains but this time in summer and you see people hiking. in the background you hear some modernized version of a classical viennese waltz. so far nothing’s wrong with the picture. but then suddendly the music tune changes into something what i would call traditional austrian music and you see some folks in lederhosen and then some pictures of other people drinking wine at the “heurigen”. it continues in this fashion blending out the “important” aspects of our culture (like arts, classical music, architecture and so on) and focusing entirely on things like yodeling, lederhosen and heurigen.

this is exactly what bothers me: i can’t identify with this picture of austria. the aforementioned aspects are surely a part of our culture and they fall into the stereotypical image of austria. interestingly, when it comes to other western european countries they hardly play traditional music but stick to a more contemporary theme… it really scared me. for the record: austrians hardly wear lederhosen, most of them can’t yodel and it’s usually folks older than 50 years enjoy traditional music or “Volksmusik”. oh well…