musings of a neurotic mind

i need to get going again… focus on the tasks ahead. summer is over, time to get this show on the road and rolling. first off, i still need the ok from my supervisor. then, i have to get the administrative stuff done by handing in a form with the classes i attended and get them officially acknownledged. after that, we will see… the deadline is still december 3rd.

speaking of 3rd… television got even more innovative with the 3rd season of 24! i am really glad that they put that show out on DVD so early in the UK because this series really kicks ass (pun intended). it is riveting with a lot of action and — above all — surprising! when you think, whoa, that’s it, Jack Bauer is screwed for good this time… bummer! the whole story makes a 180 degrees turn and gets a complete new perspective. that’s what television in the 21st century should be like.

i could have done easily without this past week that was like hell. unfortunately, you cannot influence or even choose the things and events that are going to happen to you. now i expect things to calm down a bit, get on with life and the usual business. summer is almost over, too.

people die, but life goes on. you cannot change that and you have to accept it. it is hard sometimes, even sad or simply devastating. life is a struggle you are going to lose in the end.

it is amazing how my mood seems to depend on the weather right now. as long as it is hot and sunny, my mood is bright and spirits are high but once it starts raining and gets cooler, i experience slight bouts of “depression”… not really a full blown depression, i simply feel sort of down. what makes matters even worse that a person who i hold dear and who is close to me is very ill. it is again that helpless feeling when medicine cannot do any good anymore, when it is simply too late. that is the reason why i do not believe in God… if there were a God he would not allow good people to become terminally ill. but that happens all the time… i know that may be naive. however, so many bad things happen to ordinary, good folks and this is kind of unfair. it makes me sad.
np: Mylene Farmer - Comme J’Ai Mal

yes, i have been lazy in terms of posting lately and i do not really want to explain the why and how. it is august after all, that means i am officially on vacation… or at least i try to relax and do nothing.

Et si tu tombes 7 fois
Toujour se relever 8

i guess that describes the notion of “life” best. it is basically a struggle — if you fall seven times, stand up eight times, but never give up. well, at least not until you die. i have been thinking alot recently… what i want to do in my life: ride up Alpe d’Huez, make a parachute jump, visit Canada. maybe write a book or two. that is all i can think of right now.

i am angry. i am sad. i want to scream as loud as i can, “this is were you pucker up and kiss my ass”. i refrain from doing so… for now.

went for a beautiful bike ride today… beautiful because i had for one third of the course heavy tailwind and i was like flying over the cycling path. riding fast makes me feel alive. i love the feeling of the warm summer wind on my skin and going down a mountainside with more than 50 km/h. cycling is so easy, so simple. it is just the road ahead of you and you actually think from one milestone to another. nothing else matters.

i am not easily impressed, but that music video called “je te rends ton amour” by mylene farmer really knocked me off my (mental) socks. i stumbled across that particular music video rather randomly, as it is the case with many interesting things. it is considered to be a “scandal” and french authorities only allowed the music channels to broadcast a censored version of it. well, that caught my attention and i so i decided to get the uncensored version on DVD. it is — trust me — breathtaking and one has to watch it several times to actually “get it”. i am not necessarily a fan of french chanson, but here the music and the images of the video are a unique entity that simply draws your attention and makes you think about it. no doubt that one could do a psychoanalytical reading of the entire video (i am very tempted to do so sometime), but what strikes me in particular is the visual impact of it, the “force” of the images that is underscored by the music. the sad theme of it of lost love is hardly anything new, but the way it is visualized is revolutionary. no wonder it was hailed as a scandal and censored! i do not want to give out any details for now, because to truly understand it you have to see it. here are some screenshots of a few scenes that impress me particularly:

after almost three months of writing it usually takes a week for me to wind down and adjust to normal life again. it is kind of strange, you know… i took me even more than a whole week to clean up my desks and put all those Lacan and Zizek books into big amazon boxes and out of sight. what i did not anticipate was what is going to happen now. well, there is still the “rigorosum”, but that is far away… too far. as a result i’ve had some (strange?!) ideas the past few days. for example, i intend to learn French. that would be something completely different and actually fit into the grand theme of Lacanian psychoanalysi — to make a french connection (pun intended, as always). and somehow i discovered that apart for its excellent use for cursing (see the Merovingian in Matrix Reloaded), that particular language is full of ambiguities and puns. (as you may have gathered i do really love puns.)