musings of a neurotic mind

“Thirsting for salvation
You’re off to find the stairway
Novice on your never ending ride
Whatever you may find dare to take it higher
Here’s your instigation on your trip into the light

Standing at the temple
Where the wizard shall arise
You listen to the beauty of the song
A melody of promise calling from the dark
Tear down the portal and then go on and

Come and fly away with me
And your eyes are gonna see it all
And sleep with the fire - do you feel me
Go obtain divinity, be the one you wanna be
And don’t be afraid to give in

A ride into the shadows
The piper never dies, never dies
Ride into the shadows
The piper never dies, never dies”
(Edguy - The Piper Never Dies)

i guess you can call it depression when you end up spending your days avoiding to burst to tears? when you cannot think clearly and all you want to do is hide someplace nobody can find you? when life is that painful and you are feeling so lonely that it is hard to describe? welcome back, depression.

re-search (pun intended) is so much fun. *NOT* especially when an article is poorly documented (speaking of missing references in the bibliography) and results in an hour-long google search to no avail. so that leaves me off to a joyfull weekend with plenty to do. and still, no FarCry for me, at least not until next week.

i want FarCry. now. it is supposed to be released in UK tomorrow (or friday), but play.com seems to be out of stock. so i guess i will have to wait until next week before it arrives. aaah, that sucks. that tropical island theme feels just right, especially since it has snowed again. is it ever going to get spring this year?

finally, i switched to a wireless mouse and keyboard. i always wanted a black keyboard (and mouse) to match the rest of my system, but i never found a black microsoft natural keyboard. now amazon.de has this great CeBit sale and i finally got a wireless desktop. i am curious how long the batteries will last…

same shit, different day. i guess that describes my life right now best. still no answer to the darn dosage question of levothyroxin. one thing is for sure, that situation has to change soon. to be blunt i lost my faith in doctors. they do not really want to help you, they just pretend treating you for the money.

another one of those days where i have to get up at 6 am. seems like they are on the rise recently. do not get me wrong, i am by no means a morning person and i (almost) hate nothing more than getting up before 10 am. but human beings are a social species and so there are some responsibilities connected to our very existence. basically, it’s give and take and there are times you have to sacrifice your sleep for a greater purpose, even if that just mean to make someone you love and care about happy, or healthy - it depends. actually, i wanted to write something about Alias but i guess the “topic of the day” brought me a little bit off track…
np: Edguy - Lavatory Love Machine

i suspect nobody, not even me. well, that’s not true, of course i do care about things that are important to me. but other people can be quite ignorant. now i have truly shifted to overdrive, thanks to levothyroxin. the non-caring doc said, well, 100 microgram should work. actually, it worked for about two weeks in february but now there’s way to much of that stuff in my blood… but again, who cares?

let’s round up this weekend: finished playing Deus Ex: Invisible War and intended to write something on the idenity question, but ending up doing graphics design. well, that was not really the weekend i had in mind, but i guess that’s life… this upcoming week i am going to kick some asses in regard to my thyroid disease. i am done with trying and experimenting to find the right dosage…

as if writing a doctoral thesis wasn’t enough, i agreed to do some graphics design for a company. that is extremely bad timing since i am still recovering from my darn cold (now i tend to believe it was actually the flu) and trying to get a grip on modern concepts of identity… but i need the money. what adds to my misery is that the initial raw data of the corporate design got lost in a hard disk drive crash over a year ago. yeah, i know, always keep some backup but that failure was really a surprise. (and since then i have a regular backup plan.) so i spent hours searching various stock photo databases for the pictures i’ve used in the initial design. good news is that i found them! oh well, things can only get better.