my diagnosis is confirmed: darn hashimoto’s. so life goes on as usual and i guess i’ll have to stick to my resolutions: no more complaining about life and how it sucks and so on. oh boy, that won’t be easy. in fact, some of my problems are still the same (my thesis for instance), but one problem is solved. apart from a confusion of my immune system i am healthy and i believe that is the most important thing. *sighn*
tomorrow the truth will be told. whatever the result is going to be, there will be some changes in my life generally. if it just happens to be a “close call” (which i really hope it is!), i am going to get on with my life and NEVER ever complain about how it actually sucks. brave words, i know. i am going to try to live a better life, doing things 100% or not at all. i’ll start to enjoy myself more and stop forcing myself to do things that i actually do not like or hate doing. life’s too short to waste it - especially with dull jobs and stupid assigments.
i always try to avoid so-called spoilers regarding my favorite tv shows, but i managed to read something about the third season of Alias that is really bothering me. what the hell are writers of such great shows thinking? we have a great, ass-kicking female protagonist who really turns the tables and guess what, sooner or later the (male) writer(s) decide(s), oh well, this is getting boring, so let’s get the girl pregnant. happened to Agent Scully in The X-Files, too. why do almost all men think that getting pregnant is the ultimate goal in a woman’s life? as experience shows, once the baby is born the show goes down the drain. my favorite example is - again - The X-Files… what did Scully in the last season after she delivered? hugging her baby, lamenting about somebody is going to do some harm to little William, and turning into a weak, tear-shedding “mother”. no more ass-kicking. if that’s going to happen to Alias as well… oh well… there are some lessons tv writers still have not learned yet.
this darn waiting kills me. i want to get the results NOW. i want to be certain. i want to know.
well, that’s the most likely diagnosis of my thyroid malfunction but i’ll get the final results next thursday. in the meantime, i’ve come down with a nasty case of a cold, not really that bad, but nevertheless nasty. sneezing, a running nose, coughing, all the stuff that makes a cold sooo much fun. just kidding.
*yawns* darn i’m tired like hell. did not sleep very well last night as it has been happening so often since the beginning of December. i have little to no clue why, but i guess tomorrow i will know more. i have this appointment at the isotopic department at the hospital in Klagenfurt to find out what is really wrong with my thyroid gland. although i do not neccessarily believe in god i really do pray that it is nothing serious. i’m really scared, you know. if everything turns out fine, i am never going to complain about my life again! the most important thing is that you are healthy. to hell with depression and screw you psychopharmaceuticals big time!
i’m starting to feel better. yes, really. a slight headache but otherwise i’m doing really fine. read blogs of other people today and discovered that some of them feel just like i do. it’s good to know that you are not alone. aditionally, started to read “Mr. Commitment” by Mike Gayle. although it is definitely very british (for my taste) i like it alot.
np: Star One - Intergalactic Space Crusaders
i am afraid and anxious and that is something completely new. never felt like this before. maybe this is because i decreaed the daily dose of the medication i’ve been on for almost 6 years now. taking pills cannot be the solution to my problems. maybe i should give psychotherapy a try because i cannot continue to live like this… something has to change. it’s been going on like this for over a month now and basically i’m done. my sleepnessless, my agitation, the panic attacks… the line has to be drawn… soon.
the new year has just started but my problems are still the same. after all, there is a job to be done but i’d rather take a time out. i feel like i could really use a vacation or something. maybe that is not a bad idea after all…
oh yes, happy new year everyone! so, what are my new year’s resolutions then? lemme see…
* stop worrying, everything will turn out fine
* get the darn thesis done by the end of 2004
* take the bike out for more rides than in 2003
well, that’s about it. not impressive, but i guess it boils down to the most essential aspects.