being depressed really sucks. there are so many things to do and i cannot bring myself to get the damn job done. for about two weeks now i am feeling constantly depressed and lacking energy. i wake up with a heavy cloud inside my head that slows down my thinking. i am tired but i can’t fall asleep easily at night and my all-time favorite “hat syndrome” keeps haunting me. i have to force myself to do at least something useful instead of staring out the window into the milky clouds of november fog…
Archive for November, 2003
seasonal depression, part 2
Monday, November 10th, 2003matrix: revolutions
Saturday, November 8th, 2003the highly anticipated final of the matrix trilogy is finally here and i am disappointed, just like after matrix: reloaded. all the great ideas and innovations virtually (pun intended!) thrown out the window. while i was driving home from the cinema i thought, well, we could rephrase “the will to power” to “the will to virtuality”. it boils down to the matrix and real life - both are illusions, virtual constructs. and no one, not even “the one” Neo, can change it. there is no life after the matrix. i always hoped that Neo would tear the matrix, the construct, into pieces and liberate humanity, that the human will and inspirations outlast the calculated equations of the machines…
seasonal depression?
Thursday, November 6th, 2003i do not really think so, but this overcast and foggy november weather makes things even worse. when i was driving to and from klagenfurt today i really felt like crying. life sucks big time and it’s hard for me to make any sense of it at all. these gray days with little to none sunshine are poison for my mood. i feel empty, not capable to look at the supposedly bright sides of life. oh, where are the good days of the summer ‘03? i miss them and the only thing that actually keeps me going is the thought of summer ‘04. i really hate winter, especially the months november and december… once the new year has started, life will be… less bad.
music and CS
Tuesday, November 4th, 2003…is what keeps me sane. no kidding. as for music, i couldn’t live without it. i prefer alternative rock, punk rock, grunge or just classic rock like Meat Loaf. CS is what helps me to vent my frustrations and anger. some people claim that playing games like CS makes you kind of “conditioned” to violence and the media takes this up and runs with it, blaming CS to be the root of all evil and of shootings at school and stuff. that’s simply nonsense! playing a computer game does not teach you how to handle a weapon… and i believe there is a huge difference between the virtual fighting and things that happen in real life…
new week, same work
Sunday, November 2nd, 2003the title says it all… a new week is about to begin but my work is still the same. it’s like i am married to this damn project. what the hell was i thinking when i started this? maybe that it would be easier that it is? yeah, maybe. but now it’s too late to change my mind…