so here I am now, getting the show on the road… just waiting until the ordered books arrive… and then, let’s kick some ass. and oh yes, i’m still watching the third season of Babylon 5. now i think that this is one of the best sci-fi series ever!
np: Our Lady Peace - Is Anybody Home?
you cannot escape or deny your own history. it is part of what i am whether i like it or not. i think reluctantly of the time when i went to school. it’s been more than six years since my graduation from high school and i am still haunted by nightmares of that time. it underscores the enormous freedom i am enjoying now, being able to leave class whenever i please, and do not have to ask for or even justify it. most people get quite sentimental when thinking of their own school time, but i am really glad that this was over some time ago! there’s nothing romantic about it, no way. although i did very well in school, i hated the system as such, bringing discipline and (psychological) suppression of the free mind by forcing certain beliefs upon you. now that i am familiar with Foucault’s “Discipline and Punish” i have a very critical view of my time in high school. it’s no suprise to me anymore why i am haunted by nightmares of Latin class or having to take the final exam over and over again! but the strange thing is that i wasn’t feeling that way back then…
it’s amazing to see how a “lifestyle” drug like prozac is reflected in popular culture. i was playing max payne 2 the other day when i found this little plate saying “prozac alley” in one level. you really would not expect that in a computer game… but well, here we are:
got max payne 2 for my birthday. (how pathetic…?) nevertheless, i guess that game takes us one step further as far as great gaming experiences go! the graphics engine (HAVOC) simply kicks ass, the dark atmosphere of the game is riveting. and i do love the bullet-time feature! dodging bullets like Neo in the Matrix… it’s a pity that they’ve wasted this feature in “Enter the Matrix” by using a cheap copy (graphics-wise) of bullet-time and calling it “Focus”… but as we learn, intertextuality is everywhere…
yeah, celebrated my 25th birthday today. threw a little party and had some fun indeed. but after all, i am glad that it’s over… as i said, i do not like birthdays. they remind me how short our life is and how fast time flies by…
giving Cipralex a shot was not such a good idea… switched back to my old medication i’ve been on for years now. i am feeling better, the restlessness is almost gone… in a few days, i am going to get back to my work… but not until next monday, this weekend i am going to “celebrate” my 25th birthday… oh well, i actually hate being the center of attention and to throw a birthday party is not my cup of tea… but i believe that life’s too short and you only get 25 once…
to help me elevate my mood i decided to give a new medication a shot. the descriptions sound promising (see http://www.cipralex.ch) and indeed, i do feel better. but there is a downside: i feel kind of restless, somehow “driven”, unable to focus and my heart is racing. i guess i’ll try to lower the dosage and if that fails i am going to switch back to my old medication that has been working pretty well for years now…
life’s about priorities - what is important and what is not. i guess that the highest priority in my life now is to get the damn thesis done. but what is also important - basically a prerequisite to it - is that my mood is relatively ok. writing is no fun, that white screen in front of you is quite patient. luckily, the third season of Babylon 5 arrived last thursday, so chances are that my mood will brighten up a bit. i really love to watch B5, it’s… fun.
i do not tolerate offensive comments in my blog. and i know exactly who and where you are since all comments are logged. (ip addresses are a wonderful thing.) if you offer such a “great” advice again i will consider this as a thread and attack against me. it will be easy to forward your data to the authorities.
yet another catch phrase from my drive home after seeing matrix: revolutions. the funny thing is the longer i think about it the more sense it makes. the point is that you really have to see the trilogy as such and not as three separate parts. if you watch closely matrix: reloaded you get a feeling what’s going to happen in revolutions. my favorite scene from reloaded is still the dialogue with the architect who is (coincidentially?) resembling sigmund freud. he talks about choices: choices we believe we have. here comes zizek in with his empty gesture: we do not have a choice although we might think so. that’s a key to humanity (in contrast to machines): the belief in choice. life is not like an equation which you have to figure out. there are imbalances and unknown factors… chaos theory comes to mind. cross-reference to star trek: “i bring order into chaos”, says the borg queen. surprise, she’s more machine that human. highly interesting issue that i need to contemplate…